My husband Anthony and I had always wanted children. I absolutely love children and have always taken opportunities to care for them whether it be babysitting or leading a group of amazing 3-5 year olds in Sunday school. Oh the joy children bring! Anthony too has a lovely way with children and you could tell he would make a great dad. We had talked about it whilst we were dating and decided, as you do, that we would like to have 2 or 3 kids. Coming from an amazing family of 5 siblings and he 1 of 3 siblings, we definitely wanted more than one child. We got married (I was 26 and he was 28) and we decided to wait until we were married for about 2 years before trying for a baby as we wanted to do all the things newlyweds did, like travel, get to know each other etc. So naturally, I went on the pill, the ‘combined pill’ to be precise. 

Let’s rewind a bit. As a young woman and as far back as I can remember, I started my period at the age of 10 or 11. I remember initially having my periods every month as normal. I also remember there were times I would not have a period for a few months and then ‘mother nature’ would make an appearance again and I would be like, hey there, lol. I also remember having really heavy and painful periods, so to be honest, it was nice to have a break, lol. I never really thought much about it but in hindsight, I should have. You live, and you learn eh.  

So fast forward to after we had been married almost 2 years and we decided, hey, we are ready to start trying for a baby, I stopped the pill I was taking. As a pharmacist, I was aware of what I needed to do when wanting to conceive i.e. vitamins, etc, so we did all that. We didn’t smoke, we didn’t drink alcohol, we took our vitamins. Heck we did all the right things and had fun too ;-). After 4-5months of trying, nothing had happened, and I had only had a period once. I did a bit of research online and the advice was that I could visit my GP for support after trying unsuccessfully for at least 6 months. So, we waited and after 6 months, I booked an appointment with my GP. I had the appointment where blood tests were carried out and another appointment was booked for me to have an ultrasound scan to check my ovaries, tubes etc. 

A few weeks after the scan, I had a follow up appointment with the GP for the results. I remember this day very clearly and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. It was a Tuesday morning. I was to attend the appointment and then go to work after that. I recall sitting in the doctor’s office that morning. I don’t really know what I was expecting but I do know I wasn’t expecting what I heard. The doctor very unempathetically just gave me the news. ‘You have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and you’ll never have a baby naturally except through IVF’. I recall feeling so many emotions and it took the grace of God to not burst out crying right there. In the midst of all those emotions I was feeling, I could hear, as if in the distance, the doctor talking about bloods tests results, hormone levels etc. I felt like he wanted me to take the news and leave. I was able to focus and ask him, ‘so what’s next, what happens now?’. He then proceeded to mention that he would refer me to a consultant OBGYN for further tests etc. I thanked him and left. I could not leave fast enough, and I drove home, holding back the tears. Anthony was home and about to leave for work and I remember getting home and just bursting into tears. I recall now the look of concern on his face when he asked, ‘what happened babe, what did the doctor say?’. I relayed the information whilst sat at the top of the stairs. My dear husband said it’ll be okay, we will have kids, God will work it out. I took comfort from his words and the knowledge that I have a good God who is with me, for me and will work things out for my good. Wow, writing that has brought back so many feelings and emotions. I’m going to stop my story here for this week. There’s more to come later. Stay blessed

So, my fertility journey continues. After gathering up the strength to ask the GP ‘what next?’ after I had received the news, it was now a case of waiting for the appointment with the consultant OBGYN (obstetrics and gynaecologist). This took a couple of months to come through, so we waited patiently and kept trying .  Finally, the appointment letter came through and we had a date. Phew, it seemed we were a bit closer to getting the help we needed. The day of the appointment arrived, and Anthony and I went. This time was so much different to the first, maybe in part because I had Anthony with me. Also, the OBGYN was the most encouraging and friendly woman ever. She looked at our notes, had a chat with us and reassured us. I’ll always remember her encouraging words ‘you’ll be fine, you will both have a baby. Continue trying for the next 4 months and if nothing happens, come back and we will see you again’.  The feelings and emotions I had when leaving that appointment were totally different in a good way.

So, we did just as the doctor advised. We carried on as normal and kept trying. We both carried on with our vitamins for conception and each month we took a pregnancy test just in case, but it was never positive. I lost count of the number of pregnancy tests I took. Each time, full of expectation and each time feeling deflated like air being released from a balloon. Every time, we kept on praying and trusting God and held onto the hope that it would happen for us. 
I will never forget and will always appreciate the support of my husband. He would always say, ‘we are fine it’s okay, we will have our children. I didn’t marry you because of kids, God will do it in his own time’. These were some of the many encouraging words and phrases that he would tell me.
I remember having to deal with my own thoughts and feelings… ‘I’m a woman, this is what I’m supposed to be able to do’, ‘did we leave it too late…’. Dealing with these thoughts and feelings was a separate journey on its own which I will go into later.
The thing was, nobody said anything negative to us, my in-laws were fantastic throughout. I had the pleasure of celebrating new babies being born and added to our family and friends. I believe children are such amazing gifts from God so every new pregnancy and birth, although wonderful was tinged with a bit of sadness for me (being completely honest) because I didn’t know if it would happen naturally for me. Wow! That’s a big statement to offload. In all this, God was and still is always present. 

Well, four months and several pregnancy tests later, nothing had happened. So back to the doctor it was. A couple months passed, the appointment date arrived, and we saw the OBGYN who advised us that we would have to undergo a new round of tests, Anthony included this time! I had blood tests, another ultrasound scan, a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). HSG is a procedure that uses an X-ray to look at your Fallopian tubes and uterus. I attended the hospital for this procedure. My pain threshold is virtually non-existent, and I found this procedure just uncomfortable, so if you have to get this done, try not to worry too much about it. The uncomfortable bit was when the dye was inserted but your doctor will answer any questions you have. You can also read more about what HSG is and how infertility is diagnosed here if you’re interested. After these tests, we had to wait for our follow up appointment with the consultant to discuss the results and next steps. To be continued… 

The day of our follow up appointment with the consultant arrived and we attended. The consultant delivered the results to us. All is well with Anthony, which is great. My original diagnosis of Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) is reconfirmed but the Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) brings up a new hurdle, if I’ll call it that.

It appears, from the HSG, that my left Fallopian tube is blocked and there is no explanation for it. Another ‘obstacle’, it seems, is making our hope of having a baby seem even harder to reach. I remember the consultant being really lovely. She was hopeful and mentioned that we have options. The first option is to take a medication called Clomid, which induces ovulation, as she believes there is a chance we will be successful with this option because from the scan, my ovaries although covered with cysts, still have viable eggs. She also mentions that the other option is IVF which because of the area of town we live, we would be entitled to 3 free rounds of IVF (at the time of writing this, this has changed and it’s now only 1 free round of IVF for the area I reside. So it’s always worth checking for the most up to date information for where you live in the UK and what the National health service (NHS) IVF entitlements are ).

I remember feeling so grateful that these options were available to us. Earlier on in the journey, I remember having a conversation with God saying, “Lord, you know your child right here does not do very well with needles. I do know Lord, that if it comes to it and we do have to go through the IVF route, you will give me the grace to do it. However, your child right here will like to not do that so please come through”. Seems funny to me now but this was really my prayer to God :-).

So, It was definitely a quick and easy decision for us to make to choose Clomid. IVF was still an option for us if we were unsuccessful with Clomid. I remember leaving the appointment feeling grateful and hopeful for the journey ahead. Before we could start the treatment, we were referred to St Mary’s fertility centre. The team at the fertility centre were so amazing. Everyone we met was so friendly and we felt cared for and supported. We carried on hoping, trusting and praying.

The journey continues in the next post…

We met with one of the doctors who explained what would happen. I was prescribed a five-day course of clomid which I was to take from days 2 to 6 of my next period. I was also prescribed norethisterone which I was to start if after 6 weeks, I had no periods. This was the case because with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I had irregular periods where I would go 3-4 months without a period so this drug would induce a period after the 7-day course was complete. I needed to have a period to start the treatment. When I did have a period, I was to ring the clinic on day one of my period to inform them and then book a scan for day 12 of my cycle. This scan would check my ovaries to see if Clomid had worked and had induced ovulation i.e., caused any follicles to ripen ready to be released. If the scan showed any activity on the ovaries which indicated ovulation was likely, then we would then go home and have lots of sex (hmm exciting!) to hopefully make a baby. We would then return on day 21 to have blood tests to see if ovulation did in fact happen. If it did, then it would be a case of watching and waiting to see if we were pregnant. Wow, it seems like such a long process writing it all down now but to be honest at the time, I was just so happy and grateful to be on this journey which would hopefully mean we would have our baby. 

After the appointment, we left with my medicines and all the instructions written out on a paper, which I have kept and referred to whilst writing this. Mother Nature aka my period made her appearance after several months at the start of January 2017 (but before 6 weeks after the appointment) which meant I didn’t have to take the norethisterone, yay! Side note/ fun fact about me, I don’t like taking medication and I can’t take medication with water, lol. Don’t even get me started on how I then ended up as a pharmacist which is a job I love, haha!

So, the time had come for us to officially start on this journey. So, full of hope and trusting God, I booked my scan appointment and on day 2 of my period, I started Clomid which would be for a total of 5 days. This is the pharmacist in me speaking now , all medications come with a list of possible side effects which are listed on the information leaflet that is supplied with your medication. It’s always a good idea to read this patient information leaflet as it has a lot of very useful and important information and also so that you are aware and are informed on what to do if you experience any of these possible side effects. Although all these side effects are listed, it does not mean everyone who takes the medication will experience them. In my case, I didn’t experience any side effects which I’m thankful for.

I completed the five-day course and waited for my scan appointment on day 12. Scan day arrived and I went with my dear mama for the appointment as hubby couldn’t make it. The appointment was at 10:50am and I was to go into work in the afternoon. We got there, with my mum very supportive as always and me a mixture of emotions. We are called in and the sonographer carries out the scan. The scan comes to an end and she delivers the news. The medication hasn’t worked and there is no sign of anything happening on any of my ovaries. I thanked her and left. I remember smiling at her which really was my own way of trying really hard not to burst into tears. It appeared to work as I remember when we left the room, my mum asked me a few times if I was okay and I responded ‘I’m fine’ a few times. I had to keep it together, and I couldn’t let it all out then especially as I was going to work. I needed to keep going and not break down.

Very real raw emotions. My mum, amazing as always, encouraged me and reminded me of God’s word and it helped a lot. I was able to keep smiling and drop her off at home and head into work. I seemed fine but eventually I had to deal with all the emotions and not try and push them aside. Well, that happened later that night. That evening, I got a call from my dear friend Hannah who asked how I was feeling. All I remember is just bursting out crying on the phone and telling her how I wasn’t okay. I had worked so hard all day to keep it together and it just wasn’t working anymore. She was great and listened, and I was able to really express how I felt hurt, disappointed, let down, upset etc. I remember leaving that conversation feeling so much better and also then crying out to God and being really honest with him about how I felt. I ended my conversation with God that night saying ‘Lord, I can’t do this on my own, you need to come through. God says in my weakness he shows himself strong and I chose to hold on to that and believe that He will do it for us as the right time’. 
Speaking to hubby about it, he as always was so supportive and encouraging. He would always say God will do it, we didn’t get married just to have kids, there are other ways etc. 

I believe God always knows what we need. I had a girls’ trip planned with my amazing mama and 3 sisters to spend a few days in Barcelona which was so needed after the news from the scan. I went on that trip a few days after and it was exactly what I needed in that season. 

After what seemed like disappointment and failure after the first treatment, God really did a work in me and in us as a couple. We got to the point of just giving it to God and trusting him completely to do his work. I definitely got to a point where I was like, if we are to have children, we will and at God’s perfect time. In the meantime, we would enjoy the season we were in whilst getting ready for the next. That was a real turning point for me. I definitely felt more at peace about it. 

Oh, I forgot to mention that after the scan appointment, I met with the doctor who advised that on the next treatment round, the dose of clomid would be doubled. We were advised to wait for a few months and as my periods were irregular, this allowed for a natural break period because my next period didn’t come until April…

Following our last unsuccessful treatment cycle, I was given double the dose of Clomid (compared to the first cycle) to take for days 2 to 6 of my next cycle. Due to the Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), my next period did not arrive till a few months later. As per treatment process, I rang the fertility clinic to inform them when it finally arrived so that I could then book my scan for day 12 of my cycle. What was said next broke me.

I was advised that I would not be able to commence the next treatment cycle as I needed to have an up-to-date smear test done. Anyone who is trying for a baby or going through fertility treatment knows how each month seems like such a long time. My feelings were that of ‘oh no, it’s going to take ages to sort out a smear test and get the results back, then wait for my period to make an appearance again and so on…’.  With all those thoughts going on in my mind, I sadly accepted it and ended the conversation.

I happened to be out for lunch at the time of this conversation, with my amazing friend Hannah. To segue a little, I want to reiterate that God is so good, and he keeps his promises. He is so faithful. God knew that this was the time. I always say to my friend Hannah that she was meant to be a part of our journey. As soon as I got off the phone, she asked me what was wrong as at that point I had started crying. I relayed what the hospital had said.#

Immediately and with so much confidence, she advised me to call the hospital back to say that as I was only just due my smear test and as the previous result was normal, I was fine to go ahead with the treatment and delay my smear test until afterwards.

I know for a fact that if Hannah was not there at that moment and if she was not aware of our journey, I would have never called the hospital back. I am so thankful for you Hannah. God’s ways are not our ways, but his ways are so perfect, and he makes all things beautiful in his time.

So filled with renewed confidence, I called the hospital back and mentioned that I would still like to go ahead at that time with the treatment cycle and would get my smear test completed afterwards. Surprisingly, the lady accepted and mentioned something about going ahead at my own risk considering I was due my smear test but as the last test was normal and it was only just due, she would book me in for my scan at day 12 so I could start Clomid on day 2. Wow! It was easier than I thought it would be. I ended this conversation with different emotions. The two most prominent ones were that of gratitude – to God and Hannah for being there at that exact moment, and that of hope, that this could be the time.

I got home that evening and excitedly updated hubby of what had happened earlier on in the day. I also called my parents and we updated Anthony’s parents too. The next day, I started the course of Clomid (double dose of 100mg daily) for the next 5 days. During this same period, both our parents, independent of each other, felt that we should pray and fast for a few days specifically about trying for a baby.

So, all 6 of us prayed and fasted for a period and this was whilst we were undergoing treatment. Prayer is a way, as Christians, we communicate with God and fasting (abstaining from food or other necessities/luxuries) allows you to focus on God. During this period, we collectively made our request known to God, trusting that he was able to do exceedingly more than we could ask or imagine. At the end, God blessed us with peace about the situation.

Anthony and I attended our day 12 scan appointment. We went in for the scan where we were told that yes, it appeared that something was happening on my left ovary. Clomid appeared to have caused some follicles to start developing ready to release an egg meaning that ovulation was likely to occur. I recall mentioning to the doctor that the previous HSG test had indicated that my left fallopian tube was blocked and that was the side that the follicle appeared to be developing on.

The reason I mentioned this was because I was concerned that if ovulation did occur, it would appear unlikely that there would be a positive outcome due to being previously informed that the left tube was blocked. I remember that she didn’t appear concerned and I vaguely recall her mentioning that fertilisation was still possible. We must have been reassured because I do not recall us worrying about it. Looking back, I believe God gave us peace about it. 

We left the room and shortly after met with a very lovely nurse who basically told us that it was good news and that we should go and have lots of sex as it was likely that we would ovulate. We would not know if I had ovulated though until we came back at day 21 to have a blood test which would tell us this. I remember just leaving the clinic so full of hope and joy and hubby was the same. Anthony and I had gotten to a place of peace about our journey and were trusting God that he would do it. God was and is able to do miracles.

I’ll end it there for this week. See you next week for the concluding part. 

With all my love x

It took us a while to get to this place of being at peace through this journey. We dealt with all sorts of emotions (see previous posts) but with God’s help, support from each other and our families, we were able to have peace, trust God and surrender to his will. We still had moments of anxiety and worry but it did mean that when we experienced them, we chose to hand those feelings over to God and ask for his help whilst reminding ourselves of his truth and promises. We trusted that we serve a God of miracles who could do the impossible. 

So, for the next few days, we did just what the clinic ordered, enjoying every moment without any feelings of pressure or anxiety, thank God. We returned to the clinic for my blood tests where we were informed that yes, I had ovulated. Wow! This could actually be it, our journey to becoming pregnant seemed much closer. We just kept thanking God and carried on as normal. I had pregnancy tests at home, and I had lost count of how many tests I had carried out during the course of our journey. Anyone who has been trying for a baby for a while will be too aware of the emotions that come with taking a pregnancy test and it coming up negative. Over time, I had almost become a bit numb to any emotions because I had been disappointed so many times. I still always tested because, hope never dies but I had found a way, not always successfully, to not cry every time a negative result comes up.

At this point, I had a couple of tests left over in the house. Since I knew I had ovulated, I decided to do a pregnancy test, on day 28, in the morning. At the early stages, it is advised that you take your test first thing in the morning with the first pee (urine) of the day as that will have the highest levels of the pregnancy hormone, HCG, which is what the test detects. Day 28 was a Saturday morning in April, and I had woken up at 6am. I sleepily took a pregnancy test and waited for a few minutes. I only noticed one line, as I had several times before with the previous tests. I was half asleep at this point, so I looked at it briefly, popped it in the bathroom bin and went back to sleep. I woke up again at 8am and felt the need to take the test out of the bin and look at it. I did and I could not believe my eyes. A very faint 2^nd line had appeared next to the first. I honestly could not believe what I was seeing but as it was only the faintest line and it was 2hrs later, I didn’t take it as a positive. Well, I did what we do best in such situations, I consulted good old Google where I did find in several places that it could be that you are pregnant but it’s very early, hence the faint positive line. The advice suggested that the best thing was to wait for 3 or so days for the HCG levels to build up and then retest. Well, I told hubby and we waited. We had so much peace during these next few days whilst waiting, trusting God that if it was the time, it would come to pass.

I actually didn’t test again until the Wednesday morning (a whole 4 days later, lol). I woke up to get ready for work and the first thing I did was take a test. This time, there was no doubt about it; very quickly, two very clear lines appeared on the stick. I honestly couldn’t believe it. I remember taking the test stick to hubby who was still in bed, sitting beside him, showing it to him and saying, ‘babe, it’s happened, we are pregnant’. For me, it took more than a moment to sink in. Hubby was equally surprised. In that moment, we said a prayer thanking God for this miracle and proceeded to excitedly tell our parents. We always say we feel so blessed that God chose to bless us with our precious little girl. James 1:17 says that ‘every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.’ Indeed, we received a good and perfect gift from a loving and unchanging God to which we are forever grateful and thankful.

Hubby and I always say that we honestly could not have planned this any better. God blessed us with our miracle baby girl just at the perfect time in our lives and at a point where we had completely surrendered everything to God. I’m sharing our story to hopefully encourage women and men who may be trying to conceive and also to contribute towards eliminating the stigma that is still linked with infertility. It’s not an easy journey, it can feel very lonely at times, the journey can be a long one and you feel so many emotions. All of which are valid. However, do not lose hope, keep trusting, keep believing, keep praying. Your posture in the waiting period is something that you can actively work at. Do things you enjoy doing together as a couple, try to enjoy and prepare in the season you are in before you enter the next. And even if it doesn’t happen like how you plan, think or want it to turn out, God is in control and is faithful. You are not alone. Please feel free to get in touch and I will be more than happy to help and support in any way I can.

With all our love and prayers xx

Our precious miracle baby at 6 days old. I hope you don’t get too broody, lol x

As a black mum who has experienced labour and delivery twice now (I know, I know, we have a new addition – I did mention recently that a lot has happened which I will be sharing soon; our baby boy was indeed another miracle), I felt it would be helpful to share some tips that I believe helped me to have two successful labour and delivery experiences in a UK hospital.

This past week (13-18 September 2021) was ‘Black Maternal Health Awareness Week’ and it has prompted me to write this blog post now. Research carried out in the United Kingdom (UK) has found that ‘black women in the UK are four times more likely than white women to die in pregnancy and childbirth’ (MBRRACE, 2020). This is a shocking result and as a black woman of childbearing age, I felt alarmed, scared and angry, amongst other emotions. It also led me to ask several questions such as why is this the case, what can be done about this, and what can I do about this? In answering one of my questions, work is being done to change this statistic, as well as support and change black women and birthing peoples maternal health outcomes in the UK. Fivexmore (a grassroots organisation) is an example of an organisation that is committed towards changing this narrative.

When the above research was published, I had already given birth to my first child and this led me to reflect back on my experience as a black woman who went through labour and delivery in a UK hospital. Firstly, I would like to say that I am so grateful for the National Health Service (NHS) that we have in the UK. No system in the world is perfect and that goes for the NHS too. However, we are extremely blessed to have an amazing health service like the one we have in the UK. I cannot sing the praises of the NHS enough. However, like I have mentioned, no system is perfect, and the NHS is not exempt as we can see in the above research report. The first step towards change is admitting there is a problem, which this research has established there is. The next steps are to then work towards change for the better and I believe there needs to be a collective effort towards changing this statistic. Apart from the work that needs to be done by the government and relevant organisations, I believe black birthing women and their families/support network, need to be prepared and equipped before we go into labour and delivery, hence my blog post. On reflection, I consider myself to have had positive experiences which I believe was helped by preparing well beforehand and knowing that I had to advocate for myself. I am a health professional working in the UK so it is most likely that my background also informed my actions prior to and whilst going through labour and delivery. My experience as a black birthing person in 2021, amidst the pandemic was surprisingly but thankfully somewhat similar to my first. The difference this time round was the new safety measures that also had to be followed.

So, in answering one of my earlier questions which was, ‘What can I do about it?’, I want to share 5 (five) things that I feel helped me to be better prepared when going in to labour and delivery and which I believe contributed to my positive outcomes

1. Be prepared. It’s important to be well informed before going into any situation and in particular before going into labour and delivery, especially if this is the first time. I did lots of research before going in to have my first baby. I attended antenatal classes, which provided information on labour and delivery. I read a book, researched online, spoke to my mum friends, spoke to my midwife at my appointments etc. Any reputable reference sources that I could get my hands on, I consumed so that I would inform myself on what I was about to undertake. 

2. Research your preferences for pain relief (and ring your chosen hospital to check that these are available and routinely offered). To be fair, most maternity units offer almost all if not all the pain relief options that are needed during labour and delivery. However, it is a good idea to check what medicines your chosen hospital offer for the labour and delivery process (yes, you can do this in the NHS too). I didn’t want an epidural both times. During my first labour experience, I used gas and air, and diamorphine injection but I felt that, second time round, I needed something stronger than diamorphine but not as strong as an epidural. During my research (reading up, speaking to other mums etc), I knew that patient-controlled analgesia (PCA) ticked the right boxes for me. I also recall that PCA was not mentioned during my first labour and delivery experience (I used the same hospital both times) so I rang the hospital where they confirmed that this was indeed available. It was good that I did because when I went in to have my second baby, when I mentioned PCA, I got a feeling that there was a bit of uncertainty. I then mentioned that I had called prior and was informed that this was definitely offered. I discovered later that PCA was not regularly used so it needed a bit longer to set up.

3. Write a Birth plan. This is a plan written by a pregnant woman prior to labour and delivery that sets out your preferences for labour and pain relief. I wrote one using a template I found on good old google, and listed my preferences for the kind of labour I would like, what kind of pain relief I would like and wouldn’t like (e.g., I didn’t want an epidural), who my birth partners would be, my preferences for vitamin K, delayed cord clamping etc. It basically includes what your preferences for your ideal labour and delivery process are. I will say that you need to bear in mind that the labour and delivery process is very unpredictable, and anything can happen so your birth plan is not rigid and should state that. (At the end of day, the safety of yourself and baby is the utmost priority and the medical team, with your informed consent, should do what is best for yourself and baby). Make sure you take your birth plan with you. When I had written up my birth plan, I printed a copy out and put it in my green pregnancy notes/book so that I wouldn’t forget to take it to hospital with me. I also gave a copy to my husband and mum who would be accompanying me. Once I got to hospital, I showed my birth plan to the midwife looking after me, who made sure to advise the next team of its contents at staff handover.

4. Ensure your birth partner(s) read and understand what is in your birth plan. I cannot stress this enough. During the labour process, I was in so much pain that my main focus was trying to do my breathing, use gas and air (such great stuff, ahh) and deal with the pain. So it was very important that my birth partners (my husband and mum) knew what my preferences were and so were able to be my voice and communicate that to the team looking after me. They were able to act as my advocates when I was otherwise incapacitated with pain and pain relief medication. I will also add that any communication with the health care team is done in a respectful manner. Even at times when things may not be going to plan, when it seems that you are not receiving the best care, where the situation is getting a bit tense and/or stressful, remember to do so in an assertive and respectful manner. If at any point you feel your care as a woman in labour is being compromised, please SPEAK UP.

5. Pray: As a Christian, this final tip is very important. I believe God hears and answers our prayers and that nothing is impossible with him. During my pregnancy, I would regularly talk to God about what I wanted my pregnancy, labour and delivery to be like. I prayed for a safe delivery, a great medical team who would look after me well, a quick recovery after delivery and a healthy baby. During my second pregnancy, I told God that I didn’t want a tear as I had a second degree tear the first-time round. Let’s just say that overall, God heard and answered my prayers. I would encourage you to pray and ask God for what you want for your pregnancy, labour and delivery and believe that he hears and will work all things out for your good.

So, these are my top tips based on my opinion and experiences so far. It is not an exhaustive list and everyone is different. However, I believe these tips contributed to me having positive labour and delivery experiences as a black woman who had both her babies in the UK. I hope this helps you too. Please let me know what your thoughts are. There is a long way to go towards change but we can play our part by making sure that before going in to have our precious babies, the birthing person and their birth partner(s) are well informed and ready to speak up and be their own advocate.

With all my love and prayers xx

Infertility can affect both men and women and can be caused by different factors. If this is something you are experiencing, I encourage you to speak to your doctor or GP. Also, let me say, there is hope and you are not alone.

PCOS is a common condition that affects 1 in every 5 women in the UK [1]. You can read more about it here and here. One of the main features is irregular periods which means your ovaries do not regularly release eggs, a.k.a you do not ovulate. 

PCOS can present differently in every woman. Some women have all the symptoms, some only a few and some none at all. Personally, my main symptom was irregular periods. I had a healthy BMI and what I would class as mild hair growth. One fact to note is that signs and symptoms of PCOS usually become evident during your late teens or early 20s. I didn’t go to see a doctor when I was initially having irregular periods. From my experience, if you are having persistent irregular periods, my advice would be to seek medical advice and support from a doctor early so that any necessary tests can be carried out.

As a health professional and a woman who has been on this journey of trying to conceive, I feel I should share some useful tips for when planning and trying for a baby! I hope you find them helpful.

• It takes two to tango. It takes both the man and woman to conceive. You are in this together. You both have to consider your health and wellbeing. I can’t stress this enough. Lean on each other, support each other, be gentle with one another. Trust me, it goes a long way and has so many benefits.
• Have lots of sex and may I add have fun whilst doing so  Yes, you are trying for a baby, but it doesn’t have to be boring. It is recommended that you have sex at least every 2 to 3 days throughout the month to give you the best chance.
• Vitamins and supplements: It is recommended that you start taking 400mcg of folic acid whilst trying, and up until 12 weeks of pregnancy. Folic acid is very important to help prevent neural birth defects such as spina bifida. A point to note is that if you have certain existing health conditions, you may need to take a higher dose of folic acid, so it’s important to discuss your plans with a doctor or appropriate health professional before you start taking folic acid. Vitamin D at a dose of 10mcg is also recommended and this is important for healthy teeth, bones and muscles and it supports the immune system. Vitamin A supplements should be avoided when trying to conceive and whilst pregnant, as too much of Vitamin A could harm your baby [2].
• Stop smoking.
• Cut out alcohol.
• It is very important to discuss your plans to try for a baby with your doctor if you have a long-term medical condition and/or if you are taking any medication because there will be additional factors to consider.
• Seek advice and support from someone/people you trust who may be on the same journey or are parents already. It helps when you have support 
• Pray: God hears, sees and has good plans for you. He will provide all you need and more for this exciting journey ahead!

The above is not an exhaustive list. You can find some more useful information here and see your GP/doctor as needed.

All in all, enjoy the journey. Take it easy on yourself and each other. The journey looks different for every couple. Some couples will conceive straight away, some won’t. That’s okay. Just keep making progress and doing the best you can. Please feel free to get in touch if you have any questions. I would absolutely love to support in anyway I can.

Stay blessed. Until next week…

[1] https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos/

[2] https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/planning-pregnancy/