…So, we attended our appointment at St Mary’s fertility hospital.
On this visit, Anthony and I were given information on what would be the start of our fertility treatment journey. We had decided at our last appointment with the consultant to try ovulation induction using Clomid first before IVF as the doctor was optimistic it would work. As we waited in the waiting area before appointments, I recall looking around and seeing the other couples there who would have been at different stages of this fertility journey. I remember in a way feeling a bit less alone and also thinking fertility issues are much more common that I thought.
We met with one of the doctors who explained what would happen. I was prescribed a five-day course of clomid which I was to take from days 2 to 6 of my next period. I was also prescribed norethisterone which I was to start if after 6 weeks, I had no periods. This was the case because with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I had irregular periods where I would go 3-4 months without a period so this drug would induce a period after the 7-day course was complete. I needed to have a period to start the treatment. When I did have a period, I was to ring the clinic on day one of my period to inform them and then book a scan for day 12 of my cycle. This scan would check my ovaries to see if Clomid had worked and had induced ovulation i.e., caused any follicles to ripen ready to be released. If the scan showed any activity on the ovaries which indicated ovulation was likely, then we would then go home and have lots of sex (hmm exciting!) to hopefully make a baby. We would then return on day 21 to have blood tests to see if ovulation did in fact happen. If it did, then it would be a case of watching and waiting to see if we were pregnant. Wow, it seems like such a long process writing it all down now but to be honest at the time, I was just so happy and grateful to be on this journey which would hopefully mean we would have our baby.
After the appointment, we left with my medicines and all the instructions written out on a paper, which I have kept and referred to whilst writing this. Mother Nature aka my period made her appearance after several months at the start of January 2017 (but before 6 weeks after the appointment) which meant I didn’t have to take the norethisterone, yay! Side note/ fun fact about me, I don’t like taking medication and I can’t take medication with water, lol. Don’t even get me started on how I then ended up as a pharmacist which is a job I love, haha!
So, the time had come for us to officially start on this journey. So, full of hope and trusting God, I booked my scan appointment and on day 2 of my period, I started Clomid which would be for a total of 5 days. This is the pharmacist in me speaking now 😁, all medications come with a list of possible side effects which are listed on the information leaflet that is supplied with your medication. It’s always a good idea to read this patient information leaflet as it has a lot of very useful and important information and also so that you are aware and are informed on what to do if you experience any of these possible side effects. Although all these side effects are listed, it does not mean everyone who takes the medication will experience them. In my case, I didn’t experience any side effects which I’m thankful for.
I completed the five-day course and waited for my scan appointment on day 12. Scan day arrived and I went with my dear mama for the appointment as hubby couldn’t make it. The appointment was at 10:50am and I was to go into work in the afternoon. We got there, with my mum very supportive as always and me a mixture of emotions. We are called in and the sonographer carries out the scan. The scan comes to an end and she delivers the news. The medication hasn’t worked and there is no sign of anything happening on any of my ovaries. I thanked her and left. I remember smiling at her which really was my own way of trying really hard not to burst into tears. It appeared to work as I remember when we left the room, my mum asked me a few times if I was okay and I responded ‘I’m fine’ a few times. I had to keep it together, and I couldn’t let it all out then especially as I was going to work. I needed to keep going and not break down.
Very real raw emotions. My mum, amazing as always, encouraged me and reminded me of God’s word and it helped a lot. I was able to keep smiling and drop her off at home and head into work. I seemed fine but eventually I had to deal with all the emotions and not try and push them aside. Well, that happened later that night. That evening, I got a call from my dear friend Hannah who asked how I was feeling. All I remember is just bursting out crying on the phone and telling her how I wasn’t okay. I had worked so hard all day to keep it together and it just wasn’t working anymore. She was great and listened, and I was able to really express how I felt hurt, disappointed, let down, upset etc. I remember leaving that conversation feeling so much better and also then crying out to God and being really honest with him about how I felt. I ended my conversation with God that night saying ‘Lord, I can’t do this on my own, you need to come through. God says in my weakness he shows himself strong and I chose to hold on to that and believe that He will do it for us as the right time’.
Speaking to hubby about it, he as always was so supportive and encouraging. He would always say God will do it, we didn’t get married just to have kids, there are other ways etc.
I believe God always knows what we need. I had a girls’ trip planned with my amazing mama and 3 sisters to spend a few days in Barcelona which was so needed after the news from the scan. I went on that trip a few days after and it was exactly what I needed in that season.
After what seemed like disappointment and failure after the first treatment, God really did a work in me and in us as a couple. We got to the point of just giving it to God and trusting him completely to do his work. I definitely got to a point where I was like, if we are to have children, we will and at God’s perfect time. In the meantime, we would enjoy the season we were in whilst getting ready for the next. That was a real turning point for me. I definitely felt more at peace about it.
Oh, I forgot to mention that after the scan appointment, I met with the doctor who advised that on the next treatment round, the dose of clomid would be doubled. We were advised to wait for a few months and as my periods were irregular, this allowed for a natural break period because my next period didn’t come until April…