Our ‘Secrets’ for a Thriving Marriage (Part 1)

Hello friends. When I see a couple who have been married for many years, I often ask, ‘so what is ‘the secret’ to a thriving and happy marriage?’ Over the years, I have had many different answers to this question such as: regular communication, patience, having fun together, down to funny ones like having different bathroom/sinks or going on holidays separately, lol. I usually ask this question because I love marriage and I’m always looking to learn from people who are and have been happily married longer than I have.

My husband and I have been married for just over 10 years and we have learnt and grown so much in that time. I think it’ll be helpful to share some of ‘the secrets’ I believe help us to have a thriving marriage. Our marriage is not perfect but it’s perfect for us. Our trust in God and commitment to making our marriage work has helped us over the years to navigate the different seasons and scenes of our beautiful marriage. So, you might be thinking, reveal these secrets already, lol. I’ll reveal two ‘secrets’ now that I believe help us (you’ll have to come back for more). They are:

1. Regular and effective communication. Regularly talking to each other about anything and has helped us to stay connected. Creating and maintaining a safe space where we both feel listened to, respected, and acknowledged when we express our feelings has been so essential for us. We have found that the different seasons of life have the potential to impact on how often we communicate. For example, when we first became parents, we became caught up in navigating life as new parents, understandably so, and so regular communication was no longer regular. We quickly noticed that we became less patient with one another and there was a bit of a disconnect. I remember asking my mum to take care of our little baby for a few hours, so we could go out for a meal and talk. It was so needed! We have also learnt that now that we have children, we need to be even more intentional about maintaining regular communication. For example, planning couple time into our schedules has been so helpful for us.

• Forgiving easily and quickly. I am so proud & happy of how far we have come in this aspect of our journey as it has really contributed to our marriage thriving. I remember in our early years of marriage, how I would go a few days without really talking to my husband because of something he had done that I had ended up feeling annoyed about. The good ol’ silent treatment, lol. The reality is that no matter how in love we are with each other, we still annoy each other. We are imperfect so that comes with the territory. Let’s just say, a lot of growth has taken place in both our lives. I believe that as a child of God, God easily forgives me of anything I could ever do because he loves me so much. So why wouldn’t I forgive my husband who I love when he does something that has annoyed or upset me. This thinking has helped and transformed my mindset in this area. Nowadays, I forgive more easily and tend to do it more quickly. No more silent treatment (to be honest, now that we have children, that wouldn’t work anyway because we need to talk about the children, lol). Regular communication has also really helped with this. If we keep talking regularly, it’s much easier to talk about and address issues which can then be resolved.

So, these are two ‘secrets’ that help us to have a thriving marriage. There are others which I will share later. I hope this helps you.

So, what are your thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments section. I would love to know your own ‘secrets ‘that have helped you & I’m sure others will too. Let’s learn and thrive together.

With all my love,

Esther x